i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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