i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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