How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
