I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize