I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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