Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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