dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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