i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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