Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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