There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
