remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
