told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
