Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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