We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
