i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
