i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
