I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
