How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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