someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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