Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
