I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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