I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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