I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
