It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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