I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize