the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
cat food counts as protein by the way
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
