I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
