she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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