I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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