Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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