I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
