you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
