Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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