she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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