woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
