His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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