hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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