The best revenge is premature balding
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
