we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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