Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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