JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
