Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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