My liver just broke up with me...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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