can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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