im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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