How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
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My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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