Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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