That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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