You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
