why didn't you poke me back
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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