Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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