he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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