...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
