after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
