My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
