He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
