My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
