Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
