I just threw up on my dentist
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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