oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
