help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
