I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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