it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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