someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i drank out of a bidet.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
