The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
