just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
