i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
